just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
