That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
