There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
