Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
