Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
