my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
