Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
