I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
