This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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