If i come over, it means nothing
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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