So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
