I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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