Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
