mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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