If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
