i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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