I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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