I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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