He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Mom said you looked used
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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