I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize