it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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