I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
