he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
