A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
