oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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