you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
