You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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