I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
