My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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