my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
