He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
this is an emotional support booty call
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
