If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
