Quick, to the slutcave!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
