all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
