sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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