Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
