to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
