I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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