Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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