people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
