I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They have beer where we have blood.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
