Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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