dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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