he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
