How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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