I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
