I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
