Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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