Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
