let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
