Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
