You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
not ubering you a puppy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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