i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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