a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
