nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
