seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
