This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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