Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
