I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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