it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
