I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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