She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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