im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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