apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
