hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
