I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
