Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
