Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
