eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
