This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
