I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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