At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
