True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
