I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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