Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
