So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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