Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
