Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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