Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
