beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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