yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
