thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
