Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A bitchslap is in order.
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