So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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