You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Of course I have a pirate flag
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
