Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
