Don't you send me to vm
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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