closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
